Wistful Thinking
Okay. I’ve had almost 4 months of thinking and contemplating, and well, guys aren’t assholes at all. Most of them are but not all of them necessarily. When I joined the Cue Drama Club in LSGH last month, I’ve met a lot of guys there and hell they were super sweet and super nice. Unlike the guys I’ve met before, they are absolutely the opposite. I’ve learned to love them not as, you know, the “lovey dovey” thing, but as friends. I really miss them.

Anyway, lately, I’m super stressed with everything because I’ve been catching up with the lessons I’ve missed when I joined Cue. Also, the things that are happening with me and my friends, oh my, spare me now. But, I’m not being emo, I’m just, stressed.

Enough about that, so there, I know I’ll be busier now, so if you want to be updated with my current happenings, feel free to visit my multiply.

Much love and kisses.

not at my best. :|
I can’t believe it. After the 6-day vacation, we’re coming back to school. Well, it’s a good thing that there are no projects to be submitted whatsoever, but I don’t feel like going back to school. I’m not yet ready to meet my teachers, my classmates, my friends. But don’t get me wrong, I miss them all. It’s just that I rather sleep and go on-line the entire day than do tons of seatworks, quizzes, homework, etc.

Anyway, I spent the whole day thinking of a good topic for this entry. Well, at first I can’t think of any topic at all because of what you call the “writer’s block”, but after talking to some of my friends, I came up with a great, oh wait, scratch that, useful topic.

Recently, a lot of my friends are having problems with their love-lives. Well, my advice for them: Guys are total ASSHOLES. But they just answer that it’s not that easy because they learned to love that person. So I asked them, how would you know if you’re already in love? How would you know if it’s the real deal and not another kind of infatuation? All they answered was, you’ll know.

To be honest with you, we’re all too young to be crying over those stupid guys. We should just let them be, and if they don’t like us, what the hell, there are lots of other guys out there waiting for us. So why do we push ourselves to those guys even if we know that they like someone else? Or why do we even sacrifice the friendship we built with them just ‘cause we fell in love with them? I’m guilty, okay. So don’t worry, I’m not just talking about my friends, I too am at fault.

So there, to my friend (you know who you are), don’t worry about him. At least you’re still friends. So what if he doesn’t like you as… more than friends(?) anymore. It’s his loss not yours. By the way, he’s so not worth it. You’re too good for him. ;)

There are times that I have these surreal thoughts about the things that are happening to me. It’s like I picture myself on a movie; a real melodramatic or tragic movie wherein the heroine is the one that’s always being stepped at or being defeated. I’m not trying to sound “emo” , I’m just bored that’s why I’m just letting my mind wander.

We had our retreat last Monday and I’m really thankful that we did. It has given me a chance to meditate, to de-stress myself. And if we didn’t have our retreat, I should’ve killed someone right now.

I don’t really want to get mad, but oh my, she’s just pushing me to my boiling point. She’s really testing my patience. Well, reality check, I have the smallest amount of patience there is, and when I get mad, I REALLY get mad.

Why does she have to lie in my face? When she knows that I know the true story. I don’t have the concrete proof but I have witnesses on what happened. Does she think that I’m stupid? I’m not. Well, I don’t think I am stupid.

Anyway, for you-know-who, I know everything. I know about the whole “bet” that you’re playing up with your friends. But I admit; I was panic-stricken when I heard about this because I never thought anyone could do such a thing. That’s just plain cruel. And doing something like that will not make you better. It only makes you worse. Why’d you have to do that in the first place? Well, sadly, you lost your bet. But I’m sure one of us did fall in love with you, and it’s not me. But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.

Well, lesson learned. Never trust ANYONE. Don’t get fooled with their sweet talks, or better yet, their proposals that they’ll change. They never will. And that’s what my mum emphasizes to us ever since, ever. No one changes. Well, they will, but they will never change their bad habits. Especially when they themselves tell you that they will. It doesn’t go for everyone, but it goes for most of us. Actions speak louder than words. It always does.

So there, right now, our family’s mourning over a loss of a loved one. Our baby, Bramley, died. He was born last June 9, 2007 and died today, August 17, 2007. He’d cut off his leash a while ago and my mum accidentally hit him while the car’s going out of the gate. By the way, Bramley’s our puppy. Please pray for him. This is the second time we’ve lost our beloved pet. His mother, Mango, also died recently. She died last July 30, 2007.

Think Smart. Don't let yourself be fooled by a dumb bitch.
DISCLAIMER: this entry, again, is made out of pure anger, and a dash of bitterness. Please bear with me. Thanks. :)

Friends are the people you can always trust. But I read from one of the poems that, “Friends are just enemies on coffee break”. Well, I don’t agree to the both of it. TRUE friends are the people you can always trust, the people who’ll be there when you need them the most.

Right now, I’m experiencing the pain of betrayal. I never knew that a person could be as mean as that. Let me rephrase that, I never knew that people could be cheaper than they currently are.

I couldn’t put into words whatever I’m feeling right now. Bitches truly are the people you can’t count on, the people that’ll screw you over a GUY just for the sake of being better than you. But the truth is, it only makes them worse.

Don’t trust anyone. No one changes in this world. Don’t believe them when they say they’ll change. They never will. Bitches are born to be BITCHES. No one could ever alter that.

Fool me once: shame on me; fool me twice: shame on you. I’ve decided that I’ll let this pass. Neither of them is worth it. But I’m okay now with…

Anyway, my message for her, when are you going to be happy? When you victimize the whole school and prove to them that you’re truly a pest? Actually, you’re far worse than a pest. You’re nothing.

I know I sound so mean right now, but after all I did for her. I was just trying to be nice to her. I was practically saving her reputation but all she does is to ruin it.

She said that we shouldn’t judge her based on what she did before. So how are we going to judge her, based on what she is doing now? There’s no difference. In fact why would I judge her? I’m assured that she’s not worth judging.

I’m really sorry but it’s not really me talking right now. It’s my anger that is. I know you’re thinking that I’m mean. I’m not. Like I’ve said, I’m just hurt.

As much as I want some more chit-chats, I can’t ‘cause I’ve got an ass to kick. ♥♥♥

Love, love, love, love, love makes the world go round. I remember, the powerpuff girls! Oh well, enough about them. Anyway, about this line, is it true?

Lately, I’ve been through a lot of thinking. Since there is a lot of time to make my mind wander. Oh well, I’m so distracted right now. I can’t think straight. It’s like I’m on drugs or something. Well, even singing became quite a chore since I’m having a hard time concentrating on the song.

Wonder why I’m seriously deranged right now? Well, I wouldn’t spill out the beans here. I’d probably tell it next time. It’s kind of complicated.

Is this what you call infatuation? Or is this what you call love? How would you know the difference between the two?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Oh my. I’m such a loser. I haven’t watched the film. I mean, I’m the only person in this world left who haven’t watched it. That’s why I’m reading the book. Sad, right? oh well..

My teacher in Filipino’s looking for someone who’ll represent the class, who will eventually represent the batch for the Linggo ng Wika. Well, all she has to do is to do a monologue and my classmates are kind of referring me to audition. I mean, I love to do monologues, but in tagalog? I’m not sure if I can do it. Oh well, I’m still thinking about it, no worries.

As much as I want to have some more chit-chats, I can’t because I’ve got a life to live.

¡Adios! ♥

As I go back to hater's ville

Today, I was affronted in the face for the first time in my entire life. I know it was supposed to be a joke, but then, jokes are supposed to be funny, right? It wasn’t funny at all. Aside for its being offensive, it was also HUMILIATING. I don’t know if I would cry, answer back, neglect her, because whatever I’ll do will only make things worse. That’s why I just sulked it all in and embraced the big girl inside me, the brave me. But believe me, it was difficult. It was like all of a sudden my heart stopped beating; along with my brain, my lungs… I was dead for a minute there as I’ve tried to be sullen and to be composed.

I know you’re thinking that I’m OA (Over Acting??), or that I’m becoming a drama queen. But I’m not. Could you imagine yourself being called “stupid”? well, that’s not the exact way she said it. What she really said was that puro dramatics lang daw alam ko. Pretty shallow? Not really. Especially because of the way she said it. She was trying to really rub it in my face, and the message that I got from what she said was that I shouldn’t be meddling with “her dancing” because I don’t know anything. I’m not a dumbass. I was just trying to crack a joke. So, as I am constantly trying to eschew her and the controlling my urge to slap her on the face; I didn’t. I have what you call “manners”.

I’m hurt. Obviously, I am. But that wouldn’t discourage me. In fact, I’m going to prove to her that I’m not the typical trying-hard-to-look-like-a-barbie-girl slut who only knows about being stupid, and by the way, I’m not trying to brag here, but I can do math. I’m not who she thinks that I am. I hope so.

So besides that whole fiasco happening, I also had a time of my life practicing for the songfest. It’s not that I’m being too proud of my voice (in fact, my voice’s so rusty, it croaks). It’s just that singing is just my way of releasing tensions. Whenever I sing, I am able to stop thinking about what will happen, or about the things that I have to do, etc. I just love it. It’s like I’m acting, but I don’t have to move around or be in front, I could just sit down and sing my heart out.

Oh well, as much as I love to tell you more about the current ramblings of myself, I have to study because the Periodical Examinations are coming up, really FAST. Waaaaah… *panicking*

P.S. I wouldn’t mention whoever’s the girl that I’m pertaining to. But I just hope that she’ll learn the meaning of RESPECT because she may be really smart, but she’s not everything.

P.P.S: I’m not kidding. If she does this again, I’ll be kicking her sorry ass until she learns to do so. I may be sweet when I’m happy, but don’t get deceived because when I’m mad, I’m really MAD.

Labels: hate. anger. sing. panic.

As I open my eyes this early in the morning, I come to realize that today is a Sunday. The start of the week—well, that’s what the calendar says. So, I began to wander my thoughts and think through the things that will happen this week. Will I be able to survive another week of torture and torment not only from the teachers but also from the people who are mad at me, and from the people who pretend that they aren’t? Or, will I be able to impress people or just disappoint them again? I know I should just let things happen but that will seemingly be impossible. But as much as I want to stop the time and let myself enjoy the serene view of the sun rising up, I have to get up and do the morning routine—eating the food that my sister prepares.

Right now, I am listening to the RENT soundtrack that a very good friend of mine lent me, and as I let every note and melody enter through my ear. I’ve gone back and remembered that it is again a Sunday—July 15th to be exact. I remember that today is the death anniversary of my great-grandmother. She only died last year and it was much of a shock for me up to now. I loved her so much and I know that she loved me too. But I don’t want to reminisce about how she died; I want to tell you on how she lived. She may be old and somewhat forgetful, but she really is an intelligent woman. She told us stories about her experiences. Some may sound fictitious, like, when she told me about her neighbor who was taken by her head lice to their lair. She said that her neighbor had too much lice on her hair that they all pulled her to the tallest tree. Up to now, I don’t know if it‘s true but it sure scares the hell out of me whenever I remember that story. But not all of her stories are like that. Some are really true. I remember that when I was still very little, she tells me stories about the Japanese Invasion. It was really eerie and frightening. She told me that she has to pretend to be married to a Japanese man just so that they would let her go to the marketplace. So there, she really loved telling stories, and it is one of the traits that I got from her. But one thing I really loved about her is the way she believes in me; the way she encourages me. She always believed that I could be a great singer. And even though her health was being taken away because of her old age, she always makes it a point to attend every singing competition I go into when I was small. As much as I miss her, I don’t want to be miserable because I know she’d rather see me happy than sad. And I know that she is happy because now, she’s with her “ading”; her husband and our great-grandfather (whom by the way, I never met because he died before I was born).

After a while, we’ll be going to her tomb and we’ll pray for her. That’s why I can’t watch Harry Potter: the Order of the Phoenix today. I really want to watch it, but I can’t, and it can wait, right?

  Me llamo bea capili. But you could just call me BEI. Anyway, here are my some of the facts about me...
NAME: Bea Capili
AGE: 14 years. :|
HOBBIES: surfing the net, BLOGGING, chatting, reading, sleeping, eating, watching TV... yadda-yadda-yadda... the usual :)
SPORT: badminton. I'm struggling at it, though.
INTERESTS: performing, acting, singing, my dogs and lobsters, PS2 games like: Dino Crisis, Metal Gear, Resident Evil, Dance Revo (Every girl has a boyish side too, you know.), Chick-lits, Harry Potter Series, Books by Mitch Albom, my cell phone, flip-flops, bags, music,ONE TREE HILL, America's Next Top Model, and a whole LOT more...
MY OTHER SITES:
♥[MULTIPLY]♥
♥[FRIENDSTER]♥

      "At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in this world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good... struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 million souls -- And sometimes, all you need is ONE"

     -Peyton Sawyer "One Tree Hill"

January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 July 2007 August 2007 December 2007

***credits to Zaffy♥

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