As I go back to hater's ville

Today, I was affronted in the face for the first time in my entire life. I know it was supposed to be a joke, but then, jokes are supposed to be funny, right? It wasn’t funny at all. Aside for its being offensive, it was also HUMILIATING. I don’t know if I would cry, answer back, neglect her, because whatever I’ll do will only make things worse. That’s why I just sulked it all in and embraced the big girl inside me, the brave me. But believe me, it was difficult. It was like all of a sudden my heart stopped beating; along with my brain, my lungs… I was dead for a minute there as I’ve tried to be sullen and to be composed.

I know you’re thinking that I’m OA (Over Acting??), or that I’m becoming a drama queen. But I’m not. Could you imagine yourself being called “stupid”? well, that’s not the exact way she said it. What she really said was that puro dramatics lang daw alam ko. Pretty shallow? Not really. Especially because of the way she said it. She was trying to really rub it in my face, and the message that I got from what she said was that I shouldn’t be meddling with “her dancing” because I don’t know anything. I’m not a dumbass. I was just trying to crack a joke. So, as I am constantly trying to eschew her and the controlling my urge to slap her on the face; I didn’t. I have what you call “manners”.

I’m hurt. Obviously, I am. But that wouldn’t discourage me. In fact, I’m going to prove to her that I’m not the typical trying-hard-to-look-like-a-barbie-girl slut who only knows about being stupid, and by the way, I’m not trying to brag here, but I can do math. I’m not who she thinks that I am. I hope so.

So besides that whole fiasco happening, I also had a time of my life practicing for the songfest. It’s not that I’m being too proud of my voice (in fact, my voice’s so rusty, it croaks). It’s just that singing is just my way of releasing tensions. Whenever I sing, I am able to stop thinking about what will happen, or about the things that I have to do, etc. I just love it. It’s like I’m acting, but I don’t have to move around or be in front, I could just sit down and sing my heart out.

Oh well, as much as I love to tell you more about the current ramblings of myself, I have to study because the Periodical Examinations are coming up, really FAST. Waaaaah… *panicking*

P.S. I wouldn’t mention whoever’s the girl that I’m pertaining to. But I just hope that she’ll learn the meaning of RESPECT because she may be really smart, but she’s not everything.

P.P.S: I’m not kidding. If she does this again, I’ll be kicking her sorry ass until she learns to do so. I may be sweet when I’m happy, but don’t get deceived because when I’m mad, I’m really MAD.

Labels: hate. anger. sing. panic.

As I open my eyes this early in the morning, I come to realize that today is a Sunday. The start of the week—well, that’s what the calendar says. So, I began to wander my thoughts and think through the things that will happen this week. Will I be able to survive another week of torture and torment not only from the teachers but also from the people who are mad at me, and from the people who pretend that they aren’t? Or, will I be able to impress people or just disappoint them again? I know I should just let things happen but that will seemingly be impossible. But as much as I want to stop the time and let myself enjoy the serene view of the sun rising up, I have to get up and do the morning routine—eating the food that my sister prepares.

Right now, I am listening to the RENT soundtrack that a very good friend of mine lent me, and as I let every note and melody enter through my ear. I’ve gone back and remembered that it is again a Sunday—July 15th to be exact. I remember that today is the death anniversary of my great-grandmother. She only died last year and it was much of a shock for me up to now. I loved her so much and I know that she loved me too. But I don’t want to reminisce about how she died; I want to tell you on how she lived. She may be old and somewhat forgetful, but she really is an intelligent woman. She told us stories about her experiences. Some may sound fictitious, like, when she told me about her neighbor who was taken by her head lice to their lair. She said that her neighbor had too much lice on her hair that they all pulled her to the tallest tree. Up to now, I don’t know if it‘s true but it sure scares the hell out of me whenever I remember that story. But not all of her stories are like that. Some are really true. I remember that when I was still very little, she tells me stories about the Japanese Invasion. It was really eerie and frightening. She told me that she has to pretend to be married to a Japanese man just so that they would let her go to the marketplace. So there, she really loved telling stories, and it is one of the traits that I got from her. But one thing I really loved about her is the way she believes in me; the way she encourages me. She always believed that I could be a great singer. And even though her health was being taken away because of her old age, she always makes it a point to attend every singing competition I go into when I was small. As much as I miss her, I don’t want to be miserable because I know she’d rather see me happy than sad. And I know that she is happy because now, she’s with her “ading”; her husband and our great-grandfather (whom by the way, I never met because he died before I was born).

After a while, we’ll be going to her tomb and we’ll pray for her. That’s why I can’t watch Harry Potter: the Order of the Phoenix today. I really want to watch it, but I can’t, and it can wait, right?

I made this poem for my best friend. Well, she left my school after we graduated. I miss her. So there, and for my classmates, I'm using this poem for my SparkLit. :) This poem hasn't achieved its perfection. So if there are corrections, please feel free to tell me. Thanks. :)

FRIENDS FOREVER

We don’t see each other everyday
But moments together are always fun and gay
We share notes, toys and all
No lonely hour that’s what I can recall

We trust each other like sisters
We both love fries and chicken burgers
And every time one of us has a problem
We’ll always call each other and try to fix them

At first I thought
Without you, fights won’t be sought
But there are times I also wish
That you could be here in a swish

I always believe that we’ll watch each other grow up
Until one day you came to my room with a sob
“My family’s moving out of town next week’s sake”
I’ll be losing my friend, oh my heart will break

But how can I fret
Thanks to modern age you bet!
We can always text each other and update
Since then in, she’s not just my friend, but my constant text mate

Well, as time went by
Being text mates were not enough
Our schedules became totally rough
And we eventually came our separate ways

Someday, we’ll be again together
Fulfilling the promise of being friends forever
Sharing the moment we once had
Thinking, being apart was not so bad

Whoa. I haven’t updated this blog in a month. Sorry. I didn’t have the time because I fall asleep whenever I come home. Anyway, right now, I am happy in whatever’s happening in my life. I see them as challenges. It really is a challenge. People being mad at you for the mistakes you did, but I don’t want to talk about it. Anyway, I can’t believe it but I’m becoming serious with my studies again. It’s very difficult coping with all of the teachers and their giving us homework everyday. I mean, couldn’t they be more sadistic? They give us bulks and bulks of assignments each day. How can we live up our lives?

Our teacher in Dramatics gave us her reflection about her “secret to happiness”. After that, I come to thinking, what is really my secret to happiness? How do I become happy despite all of the misfortunes/problems that I’m having right now? Well, whether you’ll believe me or not, but optimism is the real key to happiness. I never pretended to be happy when I’m sad. In fact, I cry at the washroom almost everyday during the first week of classes and it’s not something to be ashamed of. But when I learned to become an optimist, I suddenly had the power to look at all the problems and turn them to something that I can laugh at. For example, my “so-called” friends, they don’t want to hear my point of view about what really happened. Well, at least I know everything and they don’t.

So there, I don’t think I could be able to write here as often as before. But please don’t forget to tag at my tagboard. Your comments are my only pay.

Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it. One Tree Hill season 4’s over. I mean, it’ll be over in a week. But still…

  Me llamo bea capili. But you could just call me BEI. Anyway, here are my some of the facts about me...
NAME: Bea Capili
AGE: 14 years. :|
HOBBIES: surfing the net, BLOGGING, chatting, reading, sleeping, eating, watching TV... yadda-yadda-yadda... the usual :)
SPORT: badminton. I'm struggling at it, though.
INTERESTS: performing, acting, singing, my dogs and lobsters, PS2 games like: Dino Crisis, Metal Gear, Resident Evil, Dance Revo (Every girl has a boyish side too, you know.), Chick-lits, Harry Potter Series, Books by Mitch Albom, my cell phone, flip-flops, bags, music,ONE TREE HILL, America's Next Top Model, and a whole LOT more...
MY OTHER SITES:
♥[MULTIPLY]♥
♥[FRIENDSTER]♥

      "At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in this world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good... struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 million souls -- And sometimes, all you need is ONE"

     -Peyton Sawyer "One Tree Hill"

January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 July 2007 August 2007 December 2007

***credits to Zaffy♥

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